Monday, 5 December 2011

From Where I Am

So, well then, here we are. I’ve made it to day no. 339 of 2011 and the current state of play is as follows…

My 47th Christmas is just under three weeks away and I have, as yet, developed no real enthusiasm for, or interest in planning how I am going to approach it this year. For the first time in my life I am due to be working on Christmas day. Not being a Christian I am untroubled by any concerns that I may be missing the opportunity to worship and be thankful… I am however somewhat concerned that this means I probably won’t be able to start drinking alcohol quite as early as I usually do on 25th December, i.e. shortly after breakfast.

(I say ‘probably’ because I may well smuggle a hipflask to work and partake of something warming just to be bloody minded and in the hope that they wouldn’t sack someone on Christmas day… would they?)*

The reality of ‘working on Christmas day’ usually means either not going in at all or getting sent home after about 2 hours, or so I’m told. I remain firmly sceptical of this as the person who told me - the main site manager - has consistently lied about everything else this year so why would he change tack now?

Due to the past several months being peppered with extremely hard work, very long hours** and lots of very intense socialising I am feeling generally run-down and a bit depressed… most of this is my own fault, some of it is work and the generally short, cold, grey days this time of year do little to excite me. I am dealing with this by self-medicating with a range of illicit substances. It is only helping in a short-term way, which isn’t quite bad enough to convince me to stop.

Most of my immediate family, no, actually - ALL of my immediate family died at this time of year (the most recent departure being three weeks ago, I didn’t attend the funeral. I don’t do funerals any more. The next one I attend will be my own, if you can call that ‘attending’) So I generally feel a bit low through November/December/January as I firmly associate this time with gloom, death and constipation.

My huge plans for next year involving relocation of life and career will probably have to be put on hold for various reasons. Again. This is not helping my general mood as it gives me little to look forward to apart from more of the same.

Things keep breaking. Some of them are easily fixed (trodden-on spectacles can be gently manipulated back into shape. I discovered this yesterday), some are not (broken windows can be temporarily fixed using cardboard and duct-tape, however this is not very aesthetically pleasing or particularly weather-proof), others cause emotional distress but aren’t particularly important overall (dropping the mug with a childishly endearing poem about hugging on it which I bought for my girlfriend in 1990 when she was 21 and which she used every single day afterwards didn’t really go down very well. My protestations that she was lucky it had lasted this long didn’t help.) and some are bloody expensive (damn you cooker, you’ve left me penniless for Christmas)

And another year slides slowly to a bewildering conclusion. Bewilderment, however, is my normal state of mind so I’m cool with that. Everyone I know is either trapped in a low paid job they find vaguely distasteful and constantly inconvenient or they’re out of work wondering where the next meal is going to come from (that plastic pot which says ‘Pot Noodle’ probably). Several of them are on medication for depression. Yes - SEVERAL - which is depressing in itself. Not sure what that says about being friends with me either.

BUT, onwards and…er… onwards. This is the point where I begin a mild panic over Christmas which lasts until the day itself when I banish all concerns using a mixture of vast amounts of alcohol, vast amounts of food and moderate amounts of tobacco and other herbal smoking mixtures… then I spend a week feeling like shit, then it’s a new year, a whole new 365 days to fuck up.

I can hardly wait.

Here's a cute winter picture to cheer us all up. See you next time.

* Probably.

** Obviously all the hours were the same length, what I mean is that there have been too many difficult hours running consecutively. ‘Long hours’, what a ridiculous phrase, sometimes I’m embarrassed to be English. I better get used to that feeling for 2012 I suppose…but I digress…


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