Sunday, 10 April 2011

People Are Strange

I guess I've always considered myself 'normal'. But just what the fuck is normal? The same as everybody else? Average? Not tainted by madness? OK, I'm not a serial killer, I don't have sex with animals, I only have one head. But consider the following :

I always remember colours wrongly. If I see a green car, I'll remember it as red and vice versa. I often confuse blue with red also, so it's not a negative colour thing, it's some kind of memory wiring problem. Or does this happen to everyone else too?

I always have to open a packet of crisps/biscuits/sweets/condoms/anything the right way up. Even though it makes no difference whatsoever. It does to me.

If I come home from somewhere and put things down i.e. keys, wallet etc I have to put them all at right angles to each other.

When going to sleep I have to always lie on my left side. It really makes no difference, but I have to do it nonetheless.

When listening to an album I've not heard before I have to listen to a few seconds of each track first before I can play the whole thing from start to finish. This applied to vinyl albums long before CDs existed. CD intro scan was invented just for me.

I find it impossible to urinate if anyone else is in the room. I always head for the cubicle in a public place or hold it in. This has caused me some extremely uncomfortable nights out as it still holds true even if I am very drunk.

When I see a picture of a camel I have to run around in circles for 8 minutes precisely, weeping.

Ok, that last one is not true. But you get my drift. We're all a bit fucked up, yes? I could easily go on all night, but it's getting a bit confessional now. These are the things which make us individual and unique and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Apart from my issues with cottage cheese, obviously...


1 comment:

  1. Same time next week, Capt. Sketchy? Perhaps you'd like to bring along a photograph of your mother. Capt. Sketchy, can you please put my car keys and wallet down. Please, Capt. Sketchy. Capt. Sketchy! CAPT. SKETCHY!!