Thursday, 24 March 2011


Long, long ago, when the world was young and no-one had mobile phones, the internet or Justin flamin' Bieber I worked for a supermarket chain. It was my first job, I knew no better... it was called Fine Fare, now long gone so hopefully this post won't result in any kind of court action.

They made us wear badges like this

And we carried little booklets full of this nonsense :

But what they didn't know was that me and my mates would carefully prise open the margarine tubs in the provisions aisle and write "FUCK OFF" in the margarine with our fingers. Sometimes we even drew big willies as well. It passed the time, what can I say? To my knowledge no customers ever returned the products or complained, but judging by the kind of customers we saw on a day to day basis they probably couldn't read anyway and all that smiling nonsense was wasted on the simple bastards.

Ah happy days. Later I worked for a much larger supermarket chain, still operating today, which was more up my street as their philosophy seemed to be 'Bugger the Customers, Let's Fleece the Stupid Tossers Dry!', and now I am one of those customers it's quite clear that philosophy remains to this day.

I'm not mentioning any names here 'cos they'd have me in court sooner than I could say T....



  1. That margarine story made me laugh out loud.

    My first job was filling shelves in a supermarket after school in the 80s. The all-time slow movers were (drum roll):

    Tinned Pease Pudding
    Tinned Celery Hearts
    Camp Chicory Essence

    The pease pudding in particular was low-seller, we could go a couple of weeks without selling a can. And the aisle that was always the emptiest at the end of the day? That's right, the pet food one.

  2. Hang on... after school in the 80s? I recall all of the above, and the pet food aisle observation... are you sure we weren't in the same store?

    I actually bought some of that Camp stuff once, just thinking about it now has induced a small amount of vomit to heave into the back of my mouth...